Hello, my friends!
Is it just me or has this week been kind of a doozy?
I feel a little like I’ve been through the ringer. I’ve been noticing lots of old patterns and other ‘stuff’ coming up recently (Hello, Mercury retrograde!), and it’s been bringing a lot of emotions to the surface. I’ll be the first to admit that it can be totally draining when we go through these emotional detoxes, but there’s also a lot of deep clearing that happens, which is a really awesome thing.One skill I’ve really begun to grasp through my three year stint in therapy and personal growth work is learning how to be present with and work through my emotions. It takes awareness and a lot of courage to face your emotions head on, especially when whatever you’re feeling is something you’ve previously labeled as ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ (such as sadness, anxiety or anger). Trust me, I know.
Let’s face it, we all go through periods in life from time to time when it seems like the you-know-what hits the fan all at once. When these periods of really intense emotion come up, it can feel pretty overwhelming. For many of us, the tendency is to resist. Our minds immediately tend to think that something really bad is going on. In reality, there is no such thing as ‘negative’ or ‘bad’ emotions. They’re all simply emotions. Our job is to allow them to come up, feel them (in some cases this process could take seconds or it might mean marinating in an emotion for several days) and then release them. The problem comes when we start to resist our emotions, or when we identify so deeply with a feeling (of sadness, hurt or whatever) that we allow the emotion to become who we are.
Generally speaking, as humans, we will go to great lengths to avoid feeling our emotions. We eat over our emotions, we watch TV or we distract ourselves by staying ‘busy’. And so we stuff them down, deeper and deeper until we numb out. The thing is…..our emotions never go away. Eventually, everything comes to a head. (Um, crying in the middle of the produce section because the TJ’s grocery clerk asks me how my day is going… Please tell me you’ve been there.)
So how do we navigate these periods of emotional detox without going crazy?
The first step is to let whatever needs to come up come up. That usually starts with identifying the behavior you use to avoid feeling your emotions. This could be anything from overeating or over-exercising even to procrastinating on Facebook for hours. For me, it’s nearly always snacking. I’ll catch myself mindlessly chomping on a fist full of popcorn and I’ll ask myself, “What’s really going on here?” Then, I’ll tune in and recognize I have a general feeling of anxiousness, sadness or unrest (rather than actual hunger) in the pit of my stomach.
The second step is to dwell in the emotion for a bit. STOP yourself in the middle of whatever your’e doing (put down the bag of popcorn, put your hands up and back away slowly….) and just breathe into it. Allow yourself the space to feel whatever needs to come up. And, remember, whatever is coming up for you is totally ok. If you need to feel sad, then feel sad. Put on some Phil Collins (or whatever does it for you) and have a good cry. As my dear friend Heather says, allow yourself to marinate in the emotion for a little while. Seriously! Try it and watch how relieved you’ll feel afterward.
The third step is kind of optional, but I find it really helpful — especially when I’m working through something really deep or there’s a recurring theme that keeps coming up for me: journal. Journaling really helps me take in everything I’m going through so I can process it and put it into perspective. You’d be surprised what kind of “aha” moments you’ll discover when you start to journal on a regular basis. (OMG I’m totally putting all of my expectations on this relationship or this guy to ‘save’ me because I still feel unworthy or incapable somehow. Just a random example. Not that I’ve ever been there or anything. Certainly not recently…)
And lastly, give yourself a break. These periods of unearthing our emotions are intense. And, as I said before, it takes a lot of courage and strength to deal with your emotions head on. This is not an excuse to beat yourself up. Let go of judgement and allow yourself to simply be a kind and gentle witness to whatever you’re feeling. Be sure to give yourself plenty of rest, treat your body well with healthy foods and exercise. Rest if you need to. Know that you’re doing some deep and powerful work, babe. Congrats!
So, lemme have it. What’s been coming up for you this week? What emotion are you needing to feel? How are you working through it? This is a totally safe space for you. Leave me a comment below or over on my Facebook page. I’d love to hear what you’ve got to say.
As always, have a beautiful week my friends! <3
xoxo
Kristi
This week has definitely been a doozy! I’ve been a single parent to our newborn while my husband travels for work for a few days. The stress of caring for a baby is unbelievable. You second guess everything! I finally let out a good cry yesterday and let all of my fears, stress and exhaustion out. I sat and felt it all and then did my deep breathing to regroup. Allowing myself to release felt so good and I know was healthy for my mind and body.
Caring for a newborn solo is a big deal! Being exhausted doesn’t help either. I’m glad you were able to allow yourself to let your fears go and recalibrate. I know you’re doing an amazing job, lady!! xo