Each one of us has a story we tell ourselves.

I’m not good enough.

I’m not pretty enough.

I’m terrible with money.

I didn’t do well in school so I must not be smart.

I’m just not good at being in a relationship.

I’ve always been an outsider, that’s just the way it’s going to be. 

We know our stories well. We repeat them in our heads, and out loud to friends (and sometimes strangers, too.) They’re perfectly crafted, rock solid and they’re generally backed with ‘proof’ from our childhood or past experiences (like the time the boy on the playground called you ‘ugly.’ Jerk.) The stories we tell ourselves over time become our reality. They inform our thoughts and behaviors and, ultimately, they shape our lives.

The only problem? Your story is most likely 100% false.

I spent three years working with a therapist unraveling my own ‘story’ (and I’m still unraveling). Being in therapy allowed me to witness for the first time all of the ways in which I was actively creating (rather than simply being a victim of) the circumstances of my life. I quickly learned that I was experiencing my entire life through the lens of the stories I had been telling myself — stories I believed in strongly. My story was that I was smart but I wasn’t pretty. I was quiet and shy while my sisters were more outspoken. (As it turns out I’m introspective which sometimes means that I’m quiet, but I’m actually not that shy.) I wasn’t capable of having a long lasting romantic relationship. I was ‘too sensitive.’ (Not possible, by the way). I certainly wasn’t good enough.

I’m guessing you’re probably somewhat aware of your story. (I mean, you’re here after all. 🙂 ) Maybe you’re already beginning to witness some of the ways in which your words, actions and false beliefs about yourself are holding you back. AWESOME. Awareness is the first step. If you’re not yet aware of your story, don’t worry. The questions below will help guide you. All you need is the slightest willingness to see things differently for your story to start to unravel.

But here’s one thing you probably don’t know: Your story is actually just a huge, intricate distraction, created by your ego (your fear-based mind) to keep you from becoming the person you’re capable of being and from living the life you truly want to live. Staying stuck in your story ensures that you keep playing small, rather than stepping fully into the person you’re meant to be.

The more you invest in your story, the more you keep your true self (and your true potential) hidden. When we start to break down our ego stories, we connect back to the energy of love — to our true inner selves — and start to hone our capacity to shine bright into this world like we were meant to.

It took me months of questioning (and lots of digging) to start to break down my story to the point where I could finally see beyond the falsity of what I had created to what was true. And when I did, let me tell you, it was L I B E R A T I N G. It was like I was giving myself  permission to be another person — and I was. I was giving myself permission to be the person I had always been deep down.

Ready to start breaking down your story? Let’s do this!

Begin by asking yourself the following questions:

(Get out your journal and spend some time on this. The more effort you put into it, the more you’ll uncover.)

What is the story I have been telling myself? If you’re not sure about this, start tuning into your language and see what you come up with. What words or phrases do you repeat throughout the day? Are they mostly positive or negative? Still feeling confused? Ask a friend who you trust for some objective feedback. (Just be prepared for an honest answer. 🙂 )

How are my words, thoughts and actions contributing to my belief in this story? In other words, how are you continuing to invest in your story?

What is my story holding me back from having, doing or becoming? What am I afraid will happen if I let go of my story? Woah. Right? That’s some good stuff right there.

Any big a-ha moments with this exercise? Leave me a comment below!

xoxo

Kristi