Do you ever find yourself stuck in guilt and regret over the past? I’m betting you do. I know I used to carry a ton of guilt around with me. I would find myself saying or thinking things like, “Ugh, if only I had handled that situation differently, or ended that relationship sooner, or said what was really on my mind…” The list goes on and on. And then when I’d notice guilt creeping up, I’d make myself feel awful for feeling guilty! It’s a vicious cycle.

Let’s face it: sometimes we make mistakes —- we are human after all. And when we hurt another person or truly mess up it’s only natural to feel bad and to want to make things right. However, much of the guilt we feel on a day to day basis is completely unfounded and unnecessary. More often than not we’re taking the guilt of the past and bringing it into a present situation where it has no business in the first place.

Whether we’re experiencing guilt and regret over relationships, career choices or any other area of our lives, these negative feelings only serve to keep us stuck in the past. They make it impossible to move forward and make any real change in our lives.

So how do we let go of guilt and regret and the hold they have over us?

In one word: forgiveness. The practice of forgiveness is the cornerstone of the spiritual text A Course in Miracles. Forgiveness literally wipes the slate clean and reorganizes our thoughts so that we can create a fresh start and move forward. The Course says Forgiveness “removes…the untrue, lifting the shadows from the world and carrying it, safe and sure within its gentleness, to the bright world of new and clean perception…And it is there that peace awaits you.” Ahhh doesn’t that sound amazing?

The reason the practice of forgiveness is so effective is because it meets the guilt or regret in the only place we actually carry the burden: our mind.

Think about it. Say you feel guilt over something that happened in a past relationship, for example. What happened was a single act in time but you continue to carry it around with you, which affects the way you act with your current partner. By letting go and forgiving you grant yourself freedom from the past (and freedom from the thoughts and actions that cause you to repeat the mistakes of the past). It’s likely that you’re not the same person you were in your previous relationship (you probably learned something that caused you to grow as a human being), so why bring your mistakes along with you? It makes no sense, yet we do it time and time again.

So what does forgiveness look like exactly? It’s recognizing where you acted out of fear and choosing to have compassion for yourself; it’s deciding you did the best you could at the time given the information and resources you had; it’s choosing not to play into the drama of why you’re such an ‘awful/lazy/irresponsible’ person any longer. It’s making the decision to let past mistakes go instead of carrying them around with you in the present.

Here are some tips on how you can practice forgiveness in your day to day life:

Clear up the mistake. If a mistake truly was made and there’s an actionable step that can be taken or something that needs to be done, then do it. Make amends. Apologize where necessary. Clear the air. If the issue was in the past or it no longer makes sense to reach out to the person or people involved then clear it up internally.  Sit in meditation and send the person kind or loving thoughts. Trust me, they’ll feel you. Journal it out if it’s helpful. Then forgive yourself.

Laugh and let it go. Much of the guilt we feel is over things we can’t change — like feeling guilty for not waking up as early as you wanted to or because you didn’t get X, Y or Z accomplished in the time that you thought you should. If you find yourself feeling guilty over something like that, the best thing to do is forgive the thought, then laugh and let it go. ACIM refers to the ego (our fear based mind, where all of our guilt lives) as simply a tiny mad idea that we forgot to laugh at. So laugh, let it go and move on.

Watch your words. Your ego loves to hold onto guilt (or any other fear based emotion) and wants to trap you into storytelling or negative dialogue. Don’t get sucked in. Ask your friends to call you out if necessary. That doesn’t mean you can’t vent if you need to, however, there’s a difference between venting with the intention of letting something go and indulging in the story by retelling or replaying it over and over.

Focus your energy on the present. Whenever you find yourself replaying old stories of the past and feeling guilt, bring yourself back to the present moment.  It’s helpful to focus on your breath for a few moments or use a mantra such as, “I forgive and I let this go.”

Over to you! How do you practice forgiveness in your life?