Did you realize that happy people work at being happy? It’s true. Although happiness is a natural thing, it doesn’t come naturally for most of us.

Cultivating an attitude of happiness is actually a lot like building a muscle. It feels kind of awkward and uncomfortable at first but once you get in the groove, happiness becomes a habit. Just like working out regularly to build strength is a choice, choosing happy thoughts is also a choice. Yes there are certain circumstances and events that can make it difficult to feel happy but to a large degree your happiness is a result of what you choose to focus on.

The fact is most of us are so used to feeling down, tired, stressed, dissatisfied or unhappy that we expect it or accept it as our default, when that’s not the way we’re meant to be feeling at all. Or maybe we’ve experienced a lot of disappointment in our lives in the past so the idea of allowing ourselves to be happy always comes with a feeling of uneasiness or an idea that “the other shoe is going to drop.”

We’re also really, really good at finding reasons why we can’t be happy. “Well, I can’t be happy because I haven’t accomplished, X Y and Z. Or, I can’t be happy until I’m in a relationship or until I have a family or until my business is a raging success.”  Sound familiar?

Here’s the secret though: You have to be happy first. You attract the experiences and things that are a vibrational match for how you are feeling inside. It’s that simple.

We spend so much time in the mode of wanting — asking and refining (and controlling, if we’re being honest) when the thing is, the Universe already knows what you want. Your order has been taken. Your job is to get in the energy of feeling happy and allow yourself to receive it. I know this is counterintuitive to all we are taught to think and believe. And I realize it can make those of us who are used to the feeling of constant striving feel a little bit squeamish, but it’s true.

So how the heck can you feel happy before you’ve actually gotten what you want?

It’s actually pretty simple. Focus on the things in your life that make you happy. What you give your attention to grows. The more you focus on what’s making you happy, the more you will have to be happy for.

Some tips:

Set the intention for happiness the second you wake up. Your intentions are powerful. Instead of jumping onto Facebook or Instagram or right into your to do list (unless that truly makes you happy), take a few moments, sit in meditation and see yourself going about your day feeling joy and peace. Or create a gratitude list. This is one of my favorite ways to boost my mood in a matter of seconds.

Take inventory of your feelings throughout the day. Pay attention to when negative thoughts pop up and flip them fast. Now, I’m not saying you should ignore your feelings. That’s not what this is about. Delving into your emotions and limiting beliefs is important and certainly has a time and place (you know I love all that :)). What I’m talking about is that most of us slip in and out of patterns of negative thinking throughout out the day that are simply ingrained habits and we can and should be much more vigilant of that. Your thoughts create your feelings, and if you allow yourself to become carried away with every negative thought that crosses our mind well, then guess what? You’ll end up feeling bad. For example, if you’re constantly saying to yourself, “I never have enough time to get anything done,” try flipping that and saying, “I have plenty of time to do the things that I need.” Yes, it will feel strange at first. No, you won’t believe it right away. But try it and watch how you miraculously start to find more pockets of time throughout your day.

Give yourself a break. My coach recently encouraged me to take a week off from working on my business and focus only on doing things that brought me joy. In the middle of launching my new website. I thought she was nuts. But it turns out, she was trying to teach me a really important lesson. The only thing we truly need to do in order to be happy is decide to be happy. If you think about it, it makes sense. Why spend so much time and energy pushing and striving and doing the things we think we need to do in order to bring us happiness, when we can start being happy right now? By taking a little time away, I reconnected with my feelings of joy and was able to come back to my business with a much better attitude. You know those moments when you’re so deep in a project that you’re not even enjoying it anymore and you’re just pushing and powering through to get it checked off the list? STOP. Your energy is much spent much better on getting yourself feeling happy and high vibe-ing than on whatever you’re doing. Put on some music, cook, go for a walk or meet up with a girlfriend for coffee. Come back to it when you’re refreshed.

I want to hear from you: What are you telling yourself about why you can’t be happy? How can you create more happiness in your life right now?