Do you ever feel like you’re just spinning your wheels in a certain area of your life?

Maybe you’ve been trying for years to straighten out your financial situation but you keep hitting one major roadblock after another.

Or perhaps, after several months of flying solo, you finally put yourself back out onto the dating scene only to have your heart stomped on. Again.

And so you sink deeper and deeper into an all-too-familiar black hole.

It feels like you’ve hit rock bottom. You recognize this is an old pattern that keeps repeating in your life like a worn-out record and you’re ready to let it go, but you have no idea how. You feel totally overwhelmed and you can’t believe you’re back in the same situation again.

I’ve totally been there.

But, guess what? Here’s why feeling broken down to the point of frustration and tears is actually a good thing. Life is trying to give you a wake up call. The Universe is saying, “Hey girl, this negative pattern hasn’t been serving you. It’s time for you to let it go so we can kick things up to the next level.”

When these seemingly catastrophic, confidence-shaking situations occur, it can be easy to just throw our hands in the air and give up. However, these challenges are often our biggest opportunities to do some internal work and create some major changes in our lives. Yes, it takes a lot of work. And, no, it isn’t any fun. However (and, trust me on this one), making the commitment to dig deep and create an internal shift will reap huge rewards in your external circumstances. I promise!

So what’s the first step toward breaking free of a negative pattern and creating change?

Answer the call. Decide to rise up and meet the challenge. Make a conscious choice to commit to doing the internal work, whatever it takes. Recognizing that there’s a pattern in your life that’s not working for you and making the decision to kick it to the curb once in for all is one of the most crucial steps in creating change. No, change is probably not going to happen overnight. Sometimes all we can hope for is that this time around will be better than the last, but if we make the decision to do the work and learn from every experience, slowly we start to break free of the pattern.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings. When you find yourself stuck in an old pattern, lots of negative feelings can come up — feelings of guilt, shame, resentment, fear or unworthiness. This is totally natural, and it’s important to let these feelings surface. For me, journaling and meditation are key for sorting through my emotions when I’m going through a challenging time. Allowing myself to put it all out on paper or have a good cry in my meditation can be immensely healing. You don’t necessarily need to dig deep into why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (however, if you’re experiencing something really intense, it might be helpful to seek out a coach or therapist for guidance), the most important piece is to let it out. Think of it like an emotional detox. You need to feel it to heal it.

Then let it go. So often, the reason we feel emotions so intensely when challenges arise in our lives is because the circumstances trigger a deep-seeded, false belief we have about ourselves that is tied to an event from the past. Once you recognize that you aren’t truly reacting to your current situation at all but being triggered by the past, you can begin to let it go. The ex-boyfriend who broke your heart? He’s ancient history. That poor financial decision you made ten years ago? You’re not the same person anymore. Forgive yourself and let it go. It can be helpful to meditate, write yourself a letter, take a walk in nature or do some yoga. Sing the theme song to ‘Frozen.’ (Seriously, I’ve done this.) Do whatever it takes. It’s only by letting go of the past that you can begin to release the future.

Be willing to take a new approach. When you’re stuck in a negative pattern, it can feel almost impossible to see your way out of it. This is where you need a little help from an outside source. Sign up for a coaching session. Ask for some advice from your best friend, your therapist, your grandmother, the Universe — whatever guidance you rely on or believe in. You may not even believe that things can be any different for you at this point. That’s ok. All you need is the willingness to see things differently. Start from there, the rest will work itself out. <3

Is there a negative pattern you’ve been trying to release from your life? Have these tips made you feel empowered to see things differently? I’d love to hear from you!

xoxo

Kristi